(My great good friend Matthew Clark during Spring Break at SOS in Memphis)
There are so many things that I want to pen to paper, or type into my laptop, but I have had to resist. Nursing school continues to amaze me with its ability to progressively capture away the hours of the day. We have just embarked into the foreign world of Maternity, and it's providing many with labor pains. However, I am refreshed after a week well spent with my dad and friends in Memphis, and it could not have come at a better time. Unexpectedly, I found myself leading a group of college students from Austin, TX in serving Miss Mattie in the Bing (affectionate term for the neighborhood of Binghampton, inner city Memphis, and Lord willing, future place to call home before saying goodbye to the US) by heading up the re-roofing of her home. I was able to lead the devotions time we had each afternoon, and was particularly encouraged by the words of a couple currently serving in East Asia who used to work with SOS. Their names have been changed, but I'll call them David and Karen. They and their 3 small children now live in a major city while taking language classes and working on a local college campus, meeting freshman and sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ with them. The catch is, evangelism is illegal in this country and their work of sharing the good news must be kept under the radar. They hope to raise up disciples among these college students who will then continue to spread the Good News to their own people.
Here's the letter from Karen that was used for our Wednesday devotional:
At 10 p.m. on a Friday night last month, while David was away at an evangelism event on campus, I was curled up in a ball in our frigid, unheated bedroom, crying my heart out. Nothing tragic was happening, to speak of. I had simply been in a foreign land for 17 months, rarely leaving my apartment, covered up to my ears in diaper wipes and peanut butter sandwiches, and a part of me was beginning to ask, “Why?” I had seen a picture of my little brother on the internet that afternoon, and he looked like a guy nearing 30 (which indeed he is). A literal ache began in my chest, and only worsened as the evening wore on. I tried to video-call my mom, but our connection betrayed us. I was left with nothing but the image of her in a bathrobe frozen on my screen, with an odd look on her face. It was too late to call my friends here. I would never phone David during an evangelism event. I was homesick and alone. It is hard to be a stay-at-home missionary. I have made all of the sacrifices of a missionary, but I reap few of the immediate rewards. Each morning I kiss David goodbye and he disappears behind the elevator doors, only to reappear 7 hours later, the world a little more aware of Jesus. I pray. I stay up on what is going on. I bake pies for team dinners. However, for the most part, I do the same things that I did in America, except I cannot go out to lunch with my mom, or drop the kids off at my mother-in-law’s when I have a hair appointment, or even speak to my neighbor. It is a lonely existence much of the time. It is a high-stress existence. It is easy to lose focus and forget why we came here. All of this was made worse last month, as the semester was coming to a close with little to show for it, and we were embarking on our second consecutive holiday season away from the USA. As I lay crying on my bed that Friday night, I repeated a simple prayer over and over from the very gut-bottom of my heart, “Lord, make it worth it. Make it worth it…”
…And then, at about 11 p.m., the key turned in the lock and David came through the door, his face glowing, his eyes warm with the light of the Holy Spirit. He smiled, and even before he told me the good news, I knew that God had answered my prayer. The tears flowed again, only this time they were tears of joy. Three young men had decided to follow Jesus that evening. Three new names in the book of life. Three future husbands, fathers, grandfathers, teachers, bosses, neighbors, friends, who would reach the world around them with the peace that now flooded them from head to toe. If we had not come, who would have told them? If we had not come, how would David have played basketball with them a few weeks ago, a random group of gangly college boys, only to meet with them again to share the good news of Jesus and challenge them to believe? And so we stood in our living room, the clock nearing midnight, praising God and embracing one another as the Christmas tree blinked and the children slept in their beds. “This is why I came,” I said. “Yes,” David said, looking me in the face, “This is why we came.”
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I'm reminded of the amazing times when God has done marvelous things for my good, but for his glory. I think back to my spinal injury during my senior season of wrestling, happening just before the state tournament, before nursing was even a twinkling in my eye. I was hurt, having put so many hours into something I was passionate about, watching what had been my best year end abruptly. Fast forward two years and you would find me sitting in a hospital during my third interview with the facility, being told that I had slipped through the cracks and there wasn't a position open on the cardiac floor for the hours I could work. "We like you. Let me see if there are any other positions available on other floors." I am technically hired on Joint Replacement, but have been scheduled on the Spine Center basically since I was hired. I can offer a glimpse of hope for patients because I have been in their shoes, I can relate to the pain they have felt, and I am a better tech because of it. I praise God that he allowed my disks to herniate; that he allowed my dad to be downsized from a job he was incredible at, that God might show his provision and faithfulness in ways more grand than a paycheck, and bring our family closer together in the process.
Psalm 102:18-22 “Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet to be created may praise the LORD: that he looked down from his holy height; from heaven the LORD looked at the earth, to hear the groans of the prisoners, to SET FREE those who were doomed to die, that they may declare in Zion the name of the LORD, and in Jerusalem his praise, when peoples gather together, and kingdoms, to worship the LORD.”
I now have to go study maternity, but as we go forth from here, what I want you to remember and know are these 3 crucial truths:
1) God’s number one agenda is to make much of His own name, thus, acting for His own glory. Being that this is His agenda and we are His followers, it only makes sense that this must also become our agenda – to live for the glory of God in all things. (Phil. 2:9-11, Isa 43:25)
2) God’s call for discipleship is radical and contrary to everything we see and know. In this call, Jesus asks us to consider the cost – that of giving up your own life, living for the glory of another (God) and not yourself, treasuring Christ as the most important thing in your life, and, yes, even suffering and enduring hardship for the name of Jesus and the Gospel.
3) The reward of following Jesus and responding to God’s call is the best and most rewarding decision you could ever make. We have to believe this is true, that Jesus truly is our greatest treasure. We make a “sacrifice” only to receive something better – intimacy and relationship with our Lord and Creator!
Enjoy Christ! Enjoy Christ! And enjoy Christ!
