dissipating fog

hours of words fill my head. rheumatoid, nodular, autoimmune, neoplasm, hirsutism. words swimming through two fatigued hemispheres. a cellphone call dissipates the haze within my head. "have you left your house yet?" I struggle to recall why I would be leaving my house. oh yeah, community group! crap, I'm almost late. I welcome the interruption and rush to Paquin Tower, doing my best to balance twelve forks, cups and plates all the while. this is a new setting for us all. A little strange, yet fresh and exciting.

we decided to move our weekly gathering from the comforts and convenience of a private residence into a public housing complex in order to reach out to an underserved and underestimated group of wonderful people. This has proved to be both challenging and beautiful.

our stories are being woven together, combining a few awkward moments drowned out by the radiant glow of new friends moved to laughter. I look around, an infant is held by a young couple, to my left a quaker eating spaghetti, to my right a man in a wheelchair talks about eating turtle soup. across from me, a woman invites us to pray for her employment opportunity, being as she finds it difficult to make each month's rent. a few college students. a man asks us to pray for him as he struggles through the effects of a mental condition. this man shines with an everlasting light. he speaks genuinely of his walk with Jesus and how He is the sustaining force in his life. I am humbled. praise God, I am humbled. have you ever experienced moments where you feel like the veil has been removed just long enough for you to see community as God intended? we each still have plenty of walls still standing in the way, but there are glimpses into God's Kingdom come on earth.

the phrase "everlasting light" is uttered by my friend with the mental condition. I pull out my phone and I share a very rough cut of a song a few friends and I wrote and recorded last month in mississippi with a lyric including the same words. we sit next to each other leaning in to hear through the small speaker. after the song is finished, he says that he wants us to perform it on the tonight show. I laugh and think of how silly that would be, but I promise to burn him a copy of the cd. "I would love that. I'll buy a cd player so I can listen to it." I am humbled again.

this move has been a good change. I see a glimpse of heaven on earth. physical needs. spiritual needs. each important. Lord, move us into action.

Songwriter's Retreat: endings and beginnings (+ quotes!)

Well, we did it. We took off from the normal, everydayness and took the plunge into the intensity of songwriting in community. In the end, we wrote and recorded 13 songs, some which came to us as one word or phrase; others with a better skeleton; still others which were mostly finished but needed the ear and voice of another living soul. All were our seed-songs, given to each other to help them grow up.

Stay tuned to hear what happens with this collection of souls and songs. Some of us are getting married; others are going to Ghana for many months. And the songs will eventually make their way into the final stages of songmaking (mixing, re-mixing, and still more mixing!) Hopefully your ear will lend a listen!

As for the rest of this writing, below are some of our favorite quotes (and pictures!) from the weekend, of which I gave context where needed to understand why something was said the way it was said (though mostly, when you're tired and silly, you don't know why you say what you say!)

from The Quote Page
Songwriter's Retreat 2010

(before recording a live clap-track for one of our songs)
"Should we clap off-beat on purpose?" Katie

"No; that'll happen naturally." Matthew

"They were so few in number but they had so many brains!"
Eric & Matthew

"I'm sorry I screwed it up (meaning the vocals in the song)." Matt
"You didn't screw it up, that's just the way you sing." Abbye

"Abbye, your voice is angelic!" Katie
"Well, it's debatable..." Abbye

"Don't touch my butt, Katie!"Matthew
"But your butt is just so touchable." Abbye (chiming in)
(Uncomfortable laughter from Matthew)
"Hey, you opened it... the can of worms, I mean, not your butt." Abbye
*Disclaimer: No one touched anyone else's butt. Ever.

(While looking at a picture being drawn)
"Is that Abbye?" Katie
"Um, well, this girl's black..." Eric

"Urethra Franklin!" Matthew
(in a conversation that somehow led to bladder infections)

"God, your company is so dreary." Matthew
(sometimes it's difficult to get those lyrics right)

"Tongue, what?!" Katie
(you really shouldn't eat from street vendors in Ghana...)

"Be astonished! We are common men with a mighty message." Eric
(Inspired by the reading of Acts 4:13)

Songwriter's Retreat, Day 4: freedom in confession (or "What you learn from being cooped up in a cabin for 4 days")

Confession happened in the Bear Cub Cabin this morning. By day 4 of sleeping, eating, collaborating, and singing in a two-story, 4-bedroom cabin, (with 5 people) we are bound to be short with one another, inconsiderate, and selfish at times. We have proven that even 5 artists, excited to be together, aren't immune from the sin of selfish ambition and the world's voice that says, "Your wants and needs matter most."

But even though we've not always been considerate, we've filled the air with confession and gentleness. A few of us took some time to speak of the envy we've felt about friendships, lack of confidence in our ability to find the right harmony, the strain of time-constraint when recording music that includes multiple musicians and vocalists.

And in speaking some of these things, we've been met with forgiveness and relief... which is, indeed, a relief! And with this confession, forgiveness, relief, we've grown in greater intimacy wth these friends, whether or not we knew each other's middle names or how we take our coffee before we came together this week.

I don't think we expected confession when we came here. But depth in relationships doesn't happen without honesty; I'm so thankful for these friends who helped us live into this.

What else have we learned from being cooped up in a cabin for 4 days? That meals are better by candlelight, unhurried, d r a w n out. That butter is better than margarine. That damp wood will not successfully build a fire! That togetherness is good. That pumpkin chocolate-chip muffins are best when microwaved for 20 seconds, then eaten with a glass of milk (this lesson we really learned!)

Oh, we've learned a lot; we've gained a lot. We've gained a truer picture of how we can submit to one another; we've gained new, deeper friendships; we've gained a real togetherness.

-Abbye

Page CXVI: Hymns III

Songwriter's Retreat, Day 3: ten bookmarks

We are listening, hearing the Scriptures read aloud. Ten bookmarks*, ten books, ten chapters; five voices, around the fire, the prayer candle. The 'Beatitudes,' the genealogy of Noah (the one who will bring us relief from the ground which was cursed), reminder that Jesus brought reconciliation.Two more songs written today, and yes! We are caught up on recording! Our songs are all so different, unique, which has really struck all of us. When we give a seed-song over to the ears and eyes of another person, they will almost always hear something that we could not have heard on our own.

And what do the rest of us do when one person is tediously recording vocals, guitars, etc.? We read. And draw. And snap pictures. And hold in our giggles... all in silence, of course! It isn't uncommon that as soon as we hear Matthew tap the spacebar (which stops the recording), exhales are heard around the room, followed by loads of laughter. But the best of it all is that we are always together during this time. Somehow, even amidst our various activities, there is a certain togetherness, a unity in our time. A mystery, we can call it.
We, at different times, have been stricken by this mystery, the beauty of it all. In moments throughout the week, the lenses have come off. And when they've come off, redemption is concrete; the Family of God is a real, intimate community; confession and honesty are healing, a necessary piece of dying to ourselves, our individual arrogance dashed.

Another late night, but oh, how it's been worth it...

*In Eric Papp's Bible are ten bookmarks, in ten different books of the Bible, representing ten chapters to be read daily. He's really loving this method of reading Scripture, and he shared it with us. Let us know if you'd like to know more about this for your own reading!
http://www.scribd.com/doc/12349985/Professor-Grant-Horners-Bible-Reading-System

-Abbye

Songwriter's Retreat, Wednesday (Day 2): Emergency naptime!

As the lunch conversation ended, quiet was falling upon us and eyelids were heavy. At least, mine were. So, as the dishes were being washed, and a nap seemed really nice, Emergency Naptime was declared!

Hour-long (or more) naps ensued. All was well.

Today's outpouring of songs was good, encouraging. Each of the groups came together with songs mostly filled out. The girls got together with some folky tunes and harmonies; prayers from Scripture and hymns of old. The guys offered up some haunting ("in a good way") melodies.

Now, here we are, shakers, hand drums, and mandolins going wild, with 4 songs left to get down before the night is done. And I have to say, the Emergency Nap gave me the energy I need to make it through!

Katie gave us a word today about worship, naming us outpourers. We all worship, we all pour out. But what is in us to pour out depends on who and what we worship. I sense this week that we've been filled up with the richness of friendship, honesty, reliance on God through dark times; and now we get to pour out from those things.

Thank God for Emergency Naps, Family, and the gift of song to lead us in the pouring out!

May the lyrics and melodies bear fruit in the lives of those we may never see or know...

-Abbye

Songwriter's Retreat, Tuesday (Day 1): bringing our seed-songs

We began our morning slowly, quietly, with breakfast and some time spread throughout the house, alone with our journals and prayers. Today's journal entry for me is so different from my last - pleading and crying out for friends back in Memphis who are in the throws of addiction. [Lord, have mercy.]

But this morning, I sat on Lake Pickwick, watching the land around us rise up just a bit, like they are saying to the Smokies, "When I grow up, I want to be just like you!" A good space for writing.

We came together mid-morning for Family prayer, then we split off into groups to write songs together, which was wildly and excitedly successful! Matthew, Eric, and I headed downstairs with two sets of phrases in our hands and a baby of a melody swirling around... a seed-song.* By the time we re-emerged to the top of the stairs, Katie and Matt were on their second song.

We then took some time to teach each other; our tunes were vastly different. Then throughout the day, we took our little seed-songs and watched something beautiful grow from it. We've been adding harmonies and layers and having fun. It's long work to record, but here in the lakehouse, we're finding much joy in it. To write and record songs in less than 12 hours is such a treasure. How did we get here, away from our regular jobs and commitments? A gift from God, we know this is true.
Then there's all the laughter - at the dinner table, during recording (exactly when you are NOT supposed to laugh, of course).

I can still hear the harmonies, the many voices of Family, ringing in my ears...

*I owe the use of this word, "seed-song," to Sara Groves.

**All photos taken by Eric Papp

-Abbye

Songwriter's Retreat, Monday eve: arrival to the Bear Cub Cabin

We've made it; 9pm, and I am the last one to barrel through those doors, arms full of excitement, song lyrics, and weariness from the workday and the nighttime drive. But yes, we're all here.

Although 3 people had to back out at the last minutes (flu, snow, wisdom teeth), I can't help but sensing that those here in the Bear Cub Cabin are going to become a Family nonetheless, we who escaped the wrath of winter storms and viruses. We've changed the guitar strings, setup the recording equipment, and bought enough food to keep us fed for several days.

This was born out of a desire to know what it's like to give our songs over to our friends, and maybe even to those we'd just met. All of us in that cabin had written something of value (isn't all writing of value, in some way?) - songs, journal entries, long letters - but we'd always written alone. One individual's thoughts getting down on the piece of paper or computer screen in front of us.

And we'd known Community in our living rooms, on the stage leading worship, in the throws of grief, but still we'd not really submitted ourselves and our melodies to the larger group, our Family.

What do we expect? What are we doing here? What is worship anyway? These are the questions we raised and gave over to the voice of Community this week. And what we do know is this: we will write; we will pray; we will listen; we will sing.

And now we will rest, for the hour is late.
*all pictures taken by Eric Papp

-Abbye